A strategy in examining and overcoming coParenting conflict is to look at the effects conflict has had on each parent and their children. Think about these questions:

  • What effects would you say distrust has had on your ability to coParent?
  • What has this ongoing conflict cost you?
  • Are there ways in which this conflict has gotten you to act out of character?
  • Has this conflict made you more effective or less effective as a parent?
  • What impact has this conflict had on your personal life,  your business, your relationships, your performance at work, your rest and relaxation, your confidence, your attitudes, your beliefs, your bank balance? Now think about the conflict going on and on… and on. Then ask yourself this question:

“What will happen if the conflicts between you go on for three months, six months, one year, two years, five years… ten years?”

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If you are zoomed in to the conflict and can see only the conflict, it can be very helpful to zoom out and think ahead. What would life be like with the conflict? And, what would it be like without it?

From COPARENTING AFTER DIVORCE: A GPS FOR HEALTHY KIDS by Debra K. Carter, PhD.

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About Debra Carter

Debra CarterDr. Carter is a Clinical and Forensic Psychologist. She is also a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Law Mediator and a Parent Coordinator. She is Co-Founder and Chief Clinical Director of the National Cooperative Parenting Center (NCPC) offering a wide spectrum of services to the Mental Health and Legal Communities as well as to families and children who are struggling with divorce related issues. She is, a frequent expert to the court, and an international speaker, lecturer and trainer on parenting in divorce. She is a consultant to the US Department of State in matters of international child custody.

Dr. Carter is the leader in the development of standardized Parental Responsibility Guidelines emphasizing the needs of children in divorce, which have been adopted and endorsed by the court. She has received numerous awards including the the prestigious “John E. Van Duzer Distinguished Service Award” from the International Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.

Her work can be found through Unhooked Books: https://www.unhookedmedia.com/#home