There are two things that have remained important components of our family’s philosophy regarding peaceful coParent communication, and I’d like to share them, as they could be helpful for others.
• We would gently let our son know that, when we did argue, the arguments were never about him; that the arguments were about our own reactions and unmet needs.
• When we would make up, we always did our best to do this in front of our son.
It is crucial for children to know that they are not to blame for the adult disagreements, in order for them to not feel guilty or develop low self-esteem. And it is just as important for them to also experience seeing their parents make up after an argument in order to role model what it looks like to consciously re-connect and communicate in loving and respectful ways.
Another key element when it comes to childhood trauma is that when given a safe and supportive environment in which a child’s needs are met physically and emotionally, the trauma can be healed with time. As long as there is a strong sense of connection being established between the child and an adult, the light at the end of the tunnel towards recovery can be reached.