Children of divorce have many feelings about the divorce and their parents. You may see or hear these problems, or your children may keep them from you, not wanting to let you know how they are really feeling.

Children often have a sense of loss during and after a divorce. They may say or show you that they are sad. Some children will cry when they think about the changes in the family. Other children may have signs of depression: trouble sleeping, eating too much or too little, restlessness, and wandering attention.

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Anxiety: Most children worry that their basic needs will not be met. “Will we have enough money to live on now?” Many worry that they will be abandoned or left alone. They worry about their parents’ emotional and physical health and not being able to see their friends.

Feeling rejected: Children often feel rejected by one or both parents. This can be real or imagined. “Dad doesn’t want me.” “If Mom really loved me, she would stay with Dad.”

Loneliness: Children miss the parent who is not in the home. “I wish Mom were here.” Children feel that they get less attention from both parents during divorce—not just one parent. It may even be true if money problems cause one or both parents to work longer hours after the divorce. Or one parent may move farther away, making time with that parent hard to arrange.

Anger: Fear can lead to sadness or anger. Children can be afraid of being abandoned or just afraid of what they don’t know. They may be angry with either parent—or with both parents.

Loyalty issues: Parents may compete for their children’s affection and loyalty. One parent may take the children to amusement parks or buy them expensive toys, while the other cannot afford the money or time to match what the other parent is doing. Children walk a tightrope, afraid that fun and closeness with one parent might be a betrayal of the other parent.

From COPARENTING AFTER DIVORCE: A GPS FOR HEALTHY KIDS by Debra K. Carter, PhD; Unhooked Books.

 

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About Debra Carter

Debra CarterDr. Carter is a Clinical and Forensic Psychologist. She is also a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Law Mediator and a Parent Coordinator. She is Co-Founder and Chief Clinical Director of the National Cooperative Parenting Center (NCPC) offering a wide spectrum of services to the Mental Health and Legal Communities as well as to families and children who are struggling with divorce related issues. She is, a frequent expert to the court, and an international speaker, lecturer and trainer on parenting in divorce. She is a consultant to the US Department of State in matters of international child custody.

Dr. Carter is the leader in the development of standardized Parental Responsibility Guidelines emphasizing the needs of children in divorce, which have been adopted and endorsed by the court. She has received numerous awards including the the prestigious “John E. Van Duzer Distinguished Service Award” from the International Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.

Her work can be found through Unhooked Books: https://www.unhookedmedia.com/#home